knick knacks are for looking

I am listening to "Lord, I give you my heart" by: Reuben Morgan. I like his voice. I'm sitting at my desk in my office staring into space...I just finished reading Ephesians 1 & 2 and let me tell you, if you're feeling down - that is some good 'pick-me-up' right there. Grace is a gift from God. I heard a neat quote while on my journey in Spain...

"Grace is God giving you something you don't deserve. Mercy is God not giving you something you do deserve."

I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning and his grace is sufficient for me. His grace covers all my mistakes, thoughts, actions all of the time.

Last night we had church and I walked in with a smile on my face but my Pastor knows me oh-so-well and he could see through the smile that I was hurting, broken and even a little grumpy, if you will. He said "you're grumpy." I reply with "Yes, sir." Clearly not interested in carrying on a conversation and he said "I'm here for you, Al. I'll help in anyway I can..." Then he just looks into the distance. I stood there staring at him wondering what was going to come next. (When he gets that look God is most likely telling him what my problem is, why it's there, what I need to do to fix it and why haven't I fixed it yet) He says "You feel like God put you up on the top shelf and forgot about you, don't you?" He walked away.

Me?
On a shelf?
The top shelf, nonetheless.
Forgot about me?
I do.
How did he know that?
Why did God tell him that.
Why does God always respond with a question?
Maybe if I starting stating things to Him, He will respond with a statement...just a thought.

Pastor totally nailed it. That's exactly how I feel. I feel as if I'm watching everything take place, out of my reach. I'm watching what I should really be involved with. I'm observing, not participating. My job is to participate. The Bible even says in Romans 15:1 "As for us who are strong, our duty is to bear with the weaknesses of those who are not strong, and not seek our own pleasure" and Ephesians 6:7 "With right good will, be faithful to your duty as service rendered to the Lord and not to man." I have a duty as a Christian to work and be diligent in my work for the Kingdom of God. So why then am I just watching everything? Why do I just go to work everyday, go to church, do my occasional leading songs, playing the piano, teaching Sunday School - you know? The norm. 


Buuuuuut....
Psalm 27:14 says "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD."
Aaaannnnddd..
Psalm 62:1 says "Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation." (Salvation meaning Yshuw'ah in Hebrew meaning Deliverance.)
There's more...
Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
One more...
Isaiah 64:4: "For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him."


So I wasn't put on the top shelf and forgotten about. I was put up there to wait on God. If I were to take it into my own hands - my life would be a disaster. But, I can wait on God and he can fulfill of my dreams. Not because I deserve it but back to that Grace & Mercy thing. Because he is God and because He loves me. All I have to do is wait on Him...


"Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances." -unknown

another day at the office...

Cody is on vacation. Nathan is in Texas. Trainers are not in today. Amber is in her office highlighting things most likely, or possibly writing an email to someone who isn't cooperating. Danielle is listening very intently (and finding humor in) the voicemails our clients have left. Heidi is probably responding to an email and commenting on how much she likes that individual. Chad is listening to music and working (I don't really know what he does in his office). I am at my desk (that is conveniently located in the smack dab center of the room). Listening to "Come To Me" by Aaron Shust. We had a luncheon at Claim Jumper with those of us who decided to come in today. I have my caramel pumpkin candle burning, sipping on my cappuccino I made from a box and pondering...

Why do people have to make stuff up? Do they think it will make them a better person by tearing down others? Because, really, it's not a nice thing to do. Why do people have to change? Why can't we all just reach a stage in a friendship and keep it there? Why do you have to move forward or end things? Why does there need to be anything different from what we had? Why do I let "you" bother me so much? Why do I let "you" effect the sleep I get at night or the food I eat? I ate a Krispy Kreme for breakfast. I haven't eaten one of those in at least 5 years but today (because of "you") I had a KK.

This is what is going through my mind today. I hate how I let people, circumstances and situations dictate my day-to-day life. I hate that. But, I am also pondering...

Why did He come to this earth? He could have just stayed up There and intervened from there. But, no. He came. It was a big change for Him. Here I am complaining about my life and the changes happening but if it wasn't for the change that He made I wouldn't even be here today. Wow... talk about a change of perspective about change.

"I want to fall for you but I'm not sure you will catch me." -Pam Rox

Woopsy Daisy

So I have decided that to journal is to do something amazing for yourself! But, I have also decided that carrying a book around with me is quite difficult; seeing that I don't journal anything secret, why not just blog! It's a much more interesting word than journal. Blog. Sounds pretty nice!

Well, it is Christmas time. The city is lit up with lights and cheer, the mall - full of folks spending their money in full. Whilst I watch from the sideline people enjoying spending their money to make others smile. I wonder how I have made it thus far through my life? The things I have gone through have been absolutely ridiculous. I am only 20 years old yes, but I feel that when I look into my past I am seeing such a separate life that I live now. It is because I am a different person. I have been redeemed by the Redeemer. I have been set free by the Deliverer. I have been healed by the Healer. I have been protected by the Protector. I have been surrounded by love by Love, himself. This time of year is when people are the happiest and I wonder why. Yes, Christmas is here but why is it so happy? Then, for others, it is the most dreaded, feared time of the year. How can one day effect us in such a deep, inner way? Because it's not just a day. It is the day. The day that Jesus was born, the day our Deliverer came. That was the day the whole world changed. It's so cliche, but yet so true. I have caught myself forgetting the true reason of this season but I have been reminded by one line from a song: "I'll hold you in the beginning, You will hold me in the end". Mary, the mother of Jesus, (in the song) said this to her son, Jesus. It had such an effect on me. He will hold us in the end and He is holding us now. And that is how I have made it thus far. That is how I am His child today. Because He came and now I can be saved. This isn't anything deep or profound. Just me, blogging. :) Putting my thoughts to words.

I am just so thankful...my family is incredible. Yes, we have our problems but who doesn't? I shouldn't be so negative about them. It isn't a just a family. It is a family that has literally been grafted together by God. No more complaining! It is day 3 of my new outlook on life. I am changing how some things about myself that I don't like and let me tell ya, it is ridiculously hard! I made it to day 13 but on Saturday I had a little blow out! Woopsy Daisy! So, Sunday was day 1...again. But that's the cool thing: with God, you have unlimited "Day 1's" =)

"When we hold back on life, life holds back on us." ~Mary Manin Boggs