knick knacks are for looking

I am listening to "Lord, I give you my heart" by: Reuben Morgan. I like his voice. I'm sitting at my desk in my office staring into space...I just finished reading Ephesians 1 & 2 and let me tell you, if you're feeling down - that is some good 'pick-me-up' right there. Grace is a gift from God. I heard a neat quote while on my journey in Spain...

"Grace is God giving you something you don't deserve. Mercy is God not giving you something you do deserve."

I am so thankful that His mercies are new every morning and his grace is sufficient for me. His grace covers all my mistakes, thoughts, actions all of the time.

Last night we had church and I walked in with a smile on my face but my Pastor knows me oh-so-well and he could see through the smile that I was hurting, broken and even a little grumpy, if you will. He said "you're grumpy." I reply with "Yes, sir." Clearly not interested in carrying on a conversation and he said "I'm here for you, Al. I'll help in anyway I can..." Then he just looks into the distance. I stood there staring at him wondering what was going to come next. (When he gets that look God is most likely telling him what my problem is, why it's there, what I need to do to fix it and why haven't I fixed it yet) He says "You feel like God put you up on the top shelf and forgot about you, don't you?" He walked away.

Me?
On a shelf?
The top shelf, nonetheless.
Forgot about me?
I do.
How did he know that?
Why did God tell him that.
Why does God always respond with a question?
Maybe if I starting stating things to Him, He will respond with a statement...just a thought.

Pastor totally nailed it. That's exactly how I feel. I feel as if I'm watching everything take place, out of my reach. I'm watching what I should really be involved with. I'm observing, not participating. My job is to participate. The Bible even says in Romans 15:1 "As for us who are strong, our duty is to bear with the weaknesses of those who are not strong, and not seek our own pleasure" and Ephesians 6:7 "With right good will, be faithful to your duty as service rendered to the Lord and not to man." I have a duty as a Christian to work and be diligent in my work for the Kingdom of God. So why then am I just watching everything? Why do I just go to work everyday, go to church, do my occasional leading songs, playing the piano, teaching Sunday School - you know? The norm. 


Buuuuuut....
Psalm 27:14 says "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD."
Aaaannnnddd..
Psalm 62:1 says "Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation." (Salvation meaning Yshuw'ah in Hebrew meaning Deliverance.)
There's more...
Isaiah 40:31 "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."
One more...
Isaiah 64:4: "For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor perceived by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him."


So I wasn't put on the top shelf and forgotten about. I was put up there to wait on God. If I were to take it into my own hands - my life would be a disaster. But, I can wait on God and he can fulfill of my dreams. Not because I deserve it but back to that Grace & Mercy thing. Because he is God and because He loves me. All I have to do is wait on Him...


"Happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances." -unknown

another day at the office...

Cody is on vacation. Nathan is in Texas. Trainers are not in today. Amber is in her office highlighting things most likely, or possibly writing an email to someone who isn't cooperating. Danielle is listening very intently (and finding humor in) the voicemails our clients have left. Heidi is probably responding to an email and commenting on how much she likes that individual. Chad is listening to music and working (I don't really know what he does in his office). I am at my desk (that is conveniently located in the smack dab center of the room). Listening to "Come To Me" by Aaron Shust. We had a luncheon at Claim Jumper with those of us who decided to come in today. I have my caramel pumpkin candle burning, sipping on my cappuccino I made from a box and pondering...

Why do people have to make stuff up? Do they think it will make them a better person by tearing down others? Because, really, it's not a nice thing to do. Why do people have to change? Why can't we all just reach a stage in a friendship and keep it there? Why do you have to move forward or end things? Why does there need to be anything different from what we had? Why do I let "you" bother me so much? Why do I let "you" effect the sleep I get at night or the food I eat? I ate a Krispy Kreme for breakfast. I haven't eaten one of those in at least 5 years but today (because of "you") I had a KK.

This is what is going through my mind today. I hate how I let people, circumstances and situations dictate my day-to-day life. I hate that. But, I am also pondering...

Why did He come to this earth? He could have just stayed up There and intervened from there. But, no. He came. It was a big change for Him. Here I am complaining about my life and the changes happening but if it wasn't for the change that He made I wouldn't even be here today. Wow... talk about a change of perspective about change.

"I want to fall for you but I'm not sure you will catch me." -Pam Rox

Woopsy Daisy

So I have decided that to journal is to do something amazing for yourself! But, I have also decided that carrying a book around with me is quite difficult; seeing that I don't journal anything secret, why not just blog! It's a much more interesting word than journal. Blog. Sounds pretty nice!

Well, it is Christmas time. The city is lit up with lights and cheer, the mall - full of folks spending their money in full. Whilst I watch from the sideline people enjoying spending their money to make others smile. I wonder how I have made it thus far through my life? The things I have gone through have been absolutely ridiculous. I am only 20 years old yes, but I feel that when I look into my past I am seeing such a separate life that I live now. It is because I am a different person. I have been redeemed by the Redeemer. I have been set free by the Deliverer. I have been healed by the Healer. I have been protected by the Protector. I have been surrounded by love by Love, himself. This time of year is when people are the happiest and I wonder why. Yes, Christmas is here but why is it so happy? Then, for others, it is the most dreaded, feared time of the year. How can one day effect us in such a deep, inner way? Because it's not just a day. It is the day. The day that Jesus was born, the day our Deliverer came. That was the day the whole world changed. It's so cliche, but yet so true. I have caught myself forgetting the true reason of this season but I have been reminded by one line from a song: "I'll hold you in the beginning, You will hold me in the end". Mary, the mother of Jesus, (in the song) said this to her son, Jesus. It had such an effect on me. He will hold us in the end and He is holding us now. And that is how I have made it thus far. That is how I am His child today. Because He came and now I can be saved. This isn't anything deep or profound. Just me, blogging. :) Putting my thoughts to words.

I am just so thankful...my family is incredible. Yes, we have our problems but who doesn't? I shouldn't be so negative about them. It isn't a just a family. It is a family that has literally been grafted together by God. No more complaining! It is day 3 of my new outlook on life. I am changing how some things about myself that I don't like and let me tell ya, it is ridiculously hard! I made it to day 13 but on Saturday I had a little blow out! Woopsy Daisy! So, Sunday was day 1...again. But that's the cool thing: with God, you have unlimited "Day 1's" =)

"When we hold back on life, life holds back on us." ~Mary Manin Boggs

Life after Spain...

This is my 34th day back to PDX and it has been quite the adjustment.

While I was in Spain I slept constantly, didn't eat a whole bunch, walked everywhere, hung out 24/7 with my pals and was totally consumed with the presence of God!

Here I am hardly getting sleep, eating ALL the time (the food is just so good here! No wonder we're all huge!) I have to force myself to workout, I have to make appointments (appointments? really?!) just to see my friends, with the exception of seeing them at AWC and I find I have to really put Gal. 2:20 to use. It is a daily battle that we all must fight and "self" is the biggest barrier that we have, and it's the most stubborn. We literally have to work so hard just to be triumphant over our flesh. Why is that? It's our body, why can't we just control it?

I have thought and thought on this and I have come to the conclusion that we can control it. It's difficult, but quite possible. It all depends on who you associate yourself with, your choice of conversation, the activities you choose on your free time and most of all: what you do when you are alone. This is so difficult for me because I justify EVERYTHING! I can literally talk myself into almost anything and I hate that about myself. I have a battle within myself trying to conquer my flesh. I have good intentions, but I don't want intentions I want actions.

Galatians 2:20
I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ lives in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me.

1 Peter 4:2
That he {everyone} no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh, but to the Will of God. (I asked God to give me a verse and this is what he gave me..sigh.)

Have a great weekend!

Note: Carrying your Bible everywhere doesn't count for anything. I tried justifying that one too. 

Two Months Already?!

Wow! We only have 11 days left and I'm stoked! This trip has been so life changing and I feel like a new person. I can't wait to get home and put to work all the good info and tools that I've learned here. Yesterday, Sunday, was great! Brandie, one of the girls on our trip, and myself do the music for one of the services and it has been great to expand my abilites. It's so hard because they all have their own ideas on how the song should go so they all do their own thing! HAHA! It's so funny. So me, as the pianist, just plays it my way and Brandie sings with me and thats it! LOL! I will never be critical of music in the States ever again!

The people here have such a love for God it is unreal. It's like a church of 700 members of new converts. You know that fire that is in new converts? That's what this whole church has. It's amazing. It reminds me of all the messages and songs about not losing your first Love and always remembering where God has brought you from. It's really unreal to me, the love and appreciation these people have for God. The focus here is all about God, all of the young people have youth service every other Friday night and its games and fun but at the end there is a speaker and there is ALWAYS and altar call that is absolutely amazing. Every youth service we've been to, someone new has gotten the Holy Ghost. I long for that fire in Portland!! Then, for the whole church, they have prayer Mon-Fri 6:30-8:30 every morning and it's kind of like come and go as you please but at 8:15 they all come together and worship together and sing a song or two and start the day together as a whole body of Christ! It's so amazing!!! The unity here is so strong and you can sense it. They start each day together and they are so open with each other's needs so they all pray and intercede for each other.

The church here is so big and it's only because of Home Bible studies! I can't wait to get home, I have such a burden for Bible studies! More so than I ever have! Look out Portland, I'm coming home soon! Ain't nothin' going to discourage me, I'm sold out for God!! God bless all of you, I pray this blog has blessed you in the last two months. It's been encouraging to hear from you all. Love you all!

Oops! Forgot about my blog!

Okay, I really didn't forget. Our internet has been down and we had no internet access!

Anyway, these last few weeks have been great! We took a roadtrip to Portugal to meet with the AYC (American Youth Corps) group that had a 10 day trip to Portugal/Spain. While there we were able to go to 3 churches and I immedietely (sp?) fell in love with the people. They loved us so much and we blessed them so much just by being there. As a gift of appreciation when we left they have each of us a silk flower with a ribbon tied around it. This made me cry. It was just something so small and I know in the states it would've been taken as a joke. But, these people are so poor and they don't have very much so for them to take the time to do this meant so much. As our bus drove away the whole church stood in the middle of the street, okay in the middle of the dirt road that was barely wide enough for our bus waving and blowing kisses. It was the sweetest thing! The country of Portugal still has spiritual strongholds that Spain had years ago. We need to pray for that country. The Collins' are missionaries to Portugal. However, we need more that will obey the call and go. The Collins' in their 60's-70's. They shouldn't be the only ones having to be there...much less alone. It hurts me so bad and I was praying and one of my quizzer friends said she felt a call to Portugal, she talked to the Collins' and she's coming back next year! I was so excited for this news!

We brought the AYC group back to Madrid with us and, of course, they loved it here! Who wouldn't?! We were able to take them to the Royal Palace of Spain where the King and Queen still live. They tour parts of it while they stay in a different part of the Palace. We took them to Toledo and Segovia which are two very old cities. Segovia dates back to 2,500 years back. In Toledo the city still has the old, huge walls up for defense so you can see the whole city up on the hill from miles away because, although you can see it, if you wanted to attack it, you would have an almost impossible mission on your hands!

The AYC group left today and we were all very sad, but we will be able to reunite at Youth Congress which is only 3 weeks away! It was a breath of fresh air for the Next Steppers though. Because we've been touring nonstop with the AYC so Bro. Sones so graciously gave us the day off to do NOTHING! It felt great! Tomorrow starts Week 6 and we will be working for the remainder of our trip and then we head home in 18 days! :)

I think that everyone needs to go on Next Steps at point or another. We have people on our trip from 18-28 singles and a married couple with their 2 year old son, they left the 5 and 6 year olds back home! Even though you don't think you're called to Foreign Missions, soon to be called Global Missions, it doesn't matter. It's a place to get away from all the distractions in the USA, it allows you to go to places with God you never knew existed and it allows you to find your calling in God, if you don't already know it. It's expensive and a major sacrifice but because of that, God blesses it that much more. Really consider it, it's life changing. Thats so cliche but really, I'm not the same person I was when I got here 1 1/2 months ago. Consider it, pray about it, do it! :)

"I want to live the way He wants me to live..."

Well, well, well...This is our last week of classes and the missionary evangelists Bro. and Sis. Showalter are here. We had great classes today. But, Bro. John Hopkins taught on "Using your gifts for His Glory" and what a move of God we had. He just went to class that session out with prayer and the power of God fell and it was a tremendous time in prayer. It was neat because in the middle of us just sobbing and crying he said "Okay, everybody, let's just be quiet and listen to what God has to say." I've never seen anybody do that in that sort of a setting and after we were quiet we had a tongues of interpretation and the power of God just fell and it was stronger than if we wouldn't have been quiet. I really honor those that are so sentitive that even while were were weeping and crying out to God he wanted us to be quiet and we did, and look what happened? I love that! Then Sis. Hopkins was our next teacher and she came in and instead of moving onto her lesson she had us sing "I want to live the way He wants me to live, I want to give until there's just no more to give, I want to love, love till there's just no more love, I could never, never out love the Lord". Amazing. But, we didn't stop and just wept again in awe of the presence of God so then she sang "Where He leads I will follow, Where He leads me I will follow, Where He leads me I will follow; I’ll go with Him, with Him, all the way."....What a thought....will we really go where He leads? Are we that broken before Him? Are we that in love with Him that no matter the cost we will go? These are the things I'm dealing with right now. Whatever He asks...am I really in love with Him enough to say yes? Lord, give us all that agape love for you that whatever you ask our answer will be yes...

Deep thought today...but I'm in deep thought here so I thought I'd share...love you all

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agape

Nothing Less

What a weekend we have had!

We went to the park, an amazing park, on Saturday for Family Day at the Park which about 700 people were there and our group sang and it was great!

Sunday, was incredible! The last service was probably my favorite. Bro. Mike Tuttle preached on Ephesians 3:17-20 and Acts 3:1-6. That God does far more than our expectations. The Lame Man in Acts 3 was expecting money when he saw Peter and John walking up to him. We can just picture him imagining being carried home that night yelling out to everyone that today he got enought money for dinner! So, he was expecting a silver or gold coin...and when Peter said "Silver and Gold have I none..." I believe he didn't give up expecting but then he moved down to maybe a mite or a sheckel...but instead God healed him. He NEVER expected to walk home that night he was just expecting some money. But God goes beyond our knowledge. We can't imagine what God can do. So, we've always been taught to go to church expecting. But Bro. Tuttle said our expectations can actually limit our faith and limit what God does. If we pray for our highest expectancy that still isn't even imaginable to what God can really do. There is nothing higher than God so that means that God can even do more than He has ever done before...something to think about, eh? He said to leave or expectations at the door and just leave it to God. If we have an open mind to what can happen, anything can happen.

Ciao, for now! :)

Shock & Awe

Hi Everybody! I am so sorry that I haven't updated in awhile. The internet was down and since we are missionaries we didn't complain and we just waited for it to get fixed! :) Becuase we get convicted when we complain! So, here are all my updates for the last few days:

1. Sunday. It was amazing! We have 4 services here on sunday because we have almost 800 in attendance and no building to hold everyone at once. There's a rule that you are only allowed to go to one service, however, the aimers are clearly allowed to go to all of them. Needless to say, it was a really long day! We have one english service because there is a large Philipino Community here...2 got the Holy Ghost and 1 got refilled after years of being astray! Praise God!

2. The training has been outstanding. This week we have Bro. & Sis. Howell and Bro. & Sis. Tuttle. Just some of the topics have been: Anointing for the Task (bro. Howell), Being a Servant (bro. Howell), The Wife of a Minister, My role as a minister's wife (Sis. Tuttle), Prayer Evangelism (Sis. Howell), The Biblical Way & The Master's Method (bro. Howell), God Seeks Intercessors (sis. Hopkins), Obeying the Will of God (Bro & Sis Tuttle). That is just classes from yesterday and today.  So, you can only imagine the kind of people we are going to be when we return home! :) My personal favorite class out of the listed ones is probably The Biblical Way & The Master's Method. Bro. Howell talked about outreach and evangelism and I have some great ideas now for our outreach team. All of the classes go together like you can't have results of evangelism without it being preceeded by intercession. Sis. Hopkins talked about the reason we don't have results is because we wait until the day of to pray, when really we need to be interceeding weeks before the event. In reality, we need to be praying for our daily routines weeks in advance, even if there isn't a special event coming up. Bro. Tuttle, in Obeying the Will of God, talked about Romans 12:1-2 and how "conformed to this world" doesn't mean to backslide but it can mean just getting caught up in day-to-day living and forgetting the reason we're here: EVANGELISM. We can get so caught up in even our duties at the church that we forget to bring visitors. When Bro. Howell was a pastor in El Salvador the rule was if there were no visitors, there was no church, Which is so intense but so true, we aren't here to continually be feeding ourselves. We must reach out. He said it only happened once that when church was supposed to start and there were no visitors that he sent everyone home. Pretty crazy, but in the 20 years that they were in El Salvador over 100,000 people were baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost. I could go on and on about the classes but I'll move on!

3. Church last night was great! Bro. Tuttle preached about Grace & Mercy. He said that "Mercy is not getting what you do deserve, and Grace is getting what you don't deserve". I love that quote and he talked about buy the truth and sell it not. But, how do you buy Truth? By, Grace and Mercy. They give you the currency, or the means to buy it and Truth gives you conviction and conviction keeps you in Truth which gives you Salvation which puts you in Heaven. I posted a few clips from the service last night on my youtube channel. I want to write his whole message out but that I won't, haha! Then, altar call. Wow! I didn't even have to seek out anyone, an elderly lady came to me, grabbed my hand, and began to pray. The Lord told me to rebuke the depression that had weighed her down her whole life, plead the Blood over her, lay your hand on her head and release the Holy Ghost. So I did. She immediately began so sob. She began speaking in tongues for the first time...and didn't stop for like 1.5 hour! Then, there was a tongues and interpretation and it was "I am your God and I love you. I have given you the means that you need to buy whats neccesary(sp?), tonight. Buy the Truth and do not sell yourself to the world". Wow, right? Crazy. But God is reallly doing a work here and Spain is experiencing great revival! :) Miss you all!

Definitely in Spain!!!

O man Im lovin it here!!!

     So after getting off the plane we were ZONKED! 2 hours of sleep in 2 days! We are 9 hours ahead.
but I quickly got over it with a ton of sleep. There are 13 of us and yes I am the only single guy on the trip! its all good. The group is really cool!! (Ill put pics up tomorrow) Spain is like New York only hotter and older. We had our first service on thur. night it was amazing!!! A young girl got the Holy Ghost! first one! The altar call was like the Dominican the Spirit of God really moved and the people responded quicky to God! it reminded me again of the D.R.. Bro Sones its reallllllly cool-really down to earth! but knows how to get work done! As he puts it: revival is spelled WORK. Our class during the day for our training have been absolutly amazing! The Spirit of God really moved during the testimony of Bro Hopkins when he spoke on when he was called. God really touched us afterwards as we prayed-God just came into the room, He reminded us of His call on our lives. My roomate is Dominican which is really cool so we got to catch up as far a s the DR goes. Hes really cool-remindes me of Jordan  a bit :) The men have been complete remolding of the Bible school where we are staying at so Ive been able to help with that! So you know u are not in America when a guy is sotering (soutering ??) pieces of metal together using a car battery charger...groung off the negative...take the positive with a piece of sotering on the end and touch the metal to creat a current to melt the sotering....definitely smart-definitely crazy-definitely in SPAIN!!! Love you all! Thank youso much for your prayers! God is doing a ton here! Alight until then, later!!!

Just A Quick Note!

First, I want to thank my mom, Em, Katie and Olive, Sam, Sarah, Mary and Jordan for completely  making my day. Even though we are having a blast here and loving it, we still miss everyone. Being able to not only talk, but see you guys really did me good! :) I love you all!

Second, Madrid is really in for revival! We are seeing so many great things happening! Last night 3 or so prayed through and 1 was filled with the Holy Ghost. Our goal is 100 and I believe that we are going to see even more than that! I can't say enough about how great our group is. This group of young people, as a whole, I believe was chosen by God. We have only been here 5 days but already we can't imagine the group without one of us. Each person brings something different to the table and it is so great to see God blend each personality together and there be no dissention.

Thank you everyone for keeping in touch, it really mean a lot! :) Also, if our video blog doesn't ever work here you can go to youtube and my channel is alyxpeddle! You can watch our videos there! :)

Love you all!

Culture Shocked Much?

We are in Madrid, Spain! We went from Saturday night in Portland to Tuesday night in Spain without sleeping...I literally fell asleep standing up. I wish I was exaggerating. If you speak English, you might as well be speaking in tongues. Seriously! It's crazy! We're being forced to talk in Spanish to everyone so we are all getting cute little accents, even when we're speaking English and it hasn't even been a week! Let's see, we currently don't have hot water so we are taking showers in the FREEZING water! We were complaining, but we got convicted and then had a 4 hour prayer meeting/Bible Study (11-3am, no joke) about Phil. 2:14-15...."Do all things without murmurings and disputings. That ye may be blameless in the midst of a crooked and preverse nation whereas ye shine as lights among the world..." That is our verse...we said thats our missionary verse and it gave us "chill bumps" as Natalie Alders says! We went to church our first night here. 1. they didn't translate 2. I was then awake for about 36 hours 3. they speak spanish 4. we do not. Needless to say, we have no idea what happened. But, I am so glad that is not the end of the story. God swept into that place and I cried, and cried. I have seriously never felt that before. I didn't understand a word that was being spoken but I felt the power in such a powerful, that when my eyes were closed I was back at home with my Awacks. It was the craziest thing. I've only been here a week but I am already falling in love with the people, the culture, the city and the country. Not to mention the 12 of us that are here, we connect so much and are all on the same page with God. I admit, I was kind of nervous...11 single girls + 1 boy doesn't normally = anything good lol. However, none of the girls are into Justin. Not that they don't like him but...you know what? I'm just gonna stop there before I get in trouble. Anyway, the girls are more into God than anything else and it shows in everything about them. God is so good and this trip has already been life changing and it's not even been a week...more to come! Love from Spain!

Leave Full or Go Home

This is day one of our two month adventure. Last night, our last night at AWC until August. Our Pastor, Bro. Graves, preached about the importance of being full, and staying full. Whether he directed it to us on purpose or not it was perfect for Justin and I. He talked about the work of God does not replace time with God. As we venture out into a whole new place to do a whole new work this is something for all of us to remember. If we aren't full, we won't have anything to give to those in need. why are we on a mission trip? Our prayer for the beginning of our trip is to be not only mission minded, but so full of the Holy Ghost that we are literally overflowing to really turn our world "right side up" so to speak. After hearing this amazing message Justin, myself and all of our closest loved ones headed to the airport. It was a great time of tears for some, and laughs for others. Me? It was just a blur. Our flight was 5 long hours of a nice gentlement next to us enjoying his sleep immensely with the evidence of snoring. :-) Needless to say, we didn't sleep. Landing in Charlotte we sought out a good breakfast. Check! Rest. Check! Devotion. Check! Our devotion was taken from Matthew 26:41 about "Watch and pray that ye enter not into temptation, the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." The first statement was, "Dear friend, do not go out into the danger of the world without first praying." It went onto to say that temptation is always there to shorten your time in prayer and we have to be aware and "watch and pray" so that we will have the ability (with God) to withstand the temptation. Justin just said, "wow! this is exactly what we need!" It's amazing how God is blessing us already and we aren't even in Spain yet. We definitely miss our home but we know we exactly where we need to be for the summer! :)